What “do your own divorce” means
Too many people think that doing their own divorce means filling out some forms and maybe getting their spouse to sign an agreement. That’s a very big mistake.
Too many people think that doing their own divorce means filling out some forms and maybe getting their spouse to sign an agreement. That’s a very big mistake.
Divorce is not about filling out forms, it is about thinking things out and making sound decisions. Likewise, if your case calls for a marital settlement agreement, having it typed and signed is not the point. The value of an agreement is the depth and detail with which you think things through and work things out together.
A lot of people are reluctant to really think about their case and make decisions. And they will do almost anything to avoid talking things over with their spouse. This is completely understandable, given the nature of divorce, but it is something you eventually need to do to get a good divorce instead of becoming a victim of divorce.
Doing your own divorce means that you do not retain an attorney. No one should unless they have to, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get advice and help.
Doing your own divorce means that you take responsibility for your case, your decisions, your life. You get information and advice, then — maybe with some help — you think things through. You find out what the rules and legal standards are and how they apply to your case, then you decide what what’s fair, what you want, how to deal with your spouse, what to do next.
If your spouse is in the picture and cares what happens, it means detailed discussions — perhaps with help — to reach a thoroughly negotiated agreement. It’s only natural to feel concerned about doing this, but don’t worry: Lesson 2 tells you exactly how you can deal with disagreement and negotiate a settlement with your spouse.
Here at Divorce Helpline, we help over 4,000 people each year, and from them we have learned why people become victims of the legal system.
People often feel they can’t deal with their divorces, their spouses, themselves. They feel overwhelmed, so they want someone else to take over and just do it, to make it go away. The attorney says, “I’ll take your case, I’ll take care of everything, I’ll get it done for you.” It sounds good, but it isn’t true.
In the end, even if you retain an attorney, you will be gathering all the information anyway and making your own decisions. More than likely, you will end up negotiating the terms yourself. Most people do, even when they are represented. They eventually find that they can do it better themselves.
For more information, contact Divorce Helpline at 800-359-7004
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